As we close in on these last few months, weeks and slowly days of this pregnancy, I find myself thinking and wondering
a lot. Thinking about how much our lives have changed in 2 years and wondering how much more they soon will change. I've been told by so many that the transition from 1 to 2 is the hardest - anything after that is just adding "another". This scares me a little. I worry about how John and I will tag team a screaming newborn and a demanding 2 year old. I worry that I will never be able to leave the house again, mainly because the thought of loading and unloading while keeping two civilized in public freaks me out. I worry about never sleeping again- the thought of that alone keeps me awake at night. But if I'm being honest, I worry more about how I will spread the attention. How I will make this transition easiest for the one that's been my only for 2 years. How I will have room in my heart to love another.
I know I'm not the first mother and wont be the last with this concern. It's part of that emotional transition from one stage to the next. I know that what's the come is SO much greater than what we already have. I know there will be days that my mommy guilt gets the best of me. But I try to be realistic. This season of life is so fun yet so trying at the same time. We are between the "I nuv ew mommy" and terrible twos. The hugs and kisses to kicking and screaming. It can be so frustrating and so rewarding. I pray I can remember the good when it gets bad and remember this is all so normal. This transition will be new to us all.
One of the biggest struggles with getting pregnant with #2 was the guilt I carried of giving Anderson a sibling. I always new I wanted more than one. I grew up 1 of 4 girls and come from a close knit family. I wanted to give him that forever bond I have with my sisters. I selfishly wanted to have the opportunity to parent him as that protective big brother. The question I'm most often asked is "Do you think he knows there's a baby coming?" I have a hard time answering that. No, I don't think he really knows there's going to be another tiny human that's coming to live with us forever. I think he knows that mommy's stomach is growing. He knows enough to kiss said stomach as he proclaims "baby!". He also knows to hit/jump on said stomach. He knows to pick up the ultrasound pictures of Mary Attis and kiss her before he turns it around to show her to us with such pride. But do I think he really understands? NO. Do I worry about this? Not Really. I worry more that he will hurt her from affection than I do anything else. I imagine "be gentle" will become part of our every 5 minutes and that I wont be able to leave him unattended with her for more than 5 seconds. But I do not worry about him as a big brother or if he will love her.
Maybe these concerns are all because I worry about myself. I worry for things that will probably go unnoticed to him but will at times force me to carry guilt. With all the worries I may have, I am truly ready and excited to see what this next season brings. I can not wrap my head around how quickly this pregnancy has flown by or that we will be welcoming her in less than 3 months! I find myself pushing the breaks because I know how fast they grow.
Which reminds me, I haven't documented this pregnancy at. all. So heres a little update so I remember a few things.
How far along? 28 weeks {Thursday}
Size of Baby? an eggplant- measuring between and 2.5 lbs!
Maternity Clothes? both. most days I wear yoga pants/ leggings and a tshirt. I can still make my normal jeans work with a band and some non maternity shirts fit.
Weight Gain? I honestly have no idea. I didn't look at the scale last time I was at the doctor but my home scale says 24 lbs
Gender? baby GIRL! I still can't believe it. I was sure I'd be wrestling to keep little boys clean and fed for all of my life.
Sleep? what's that? I usually have a difficult time falling asleep then mostly toss and turn all night.
Movement? All the time. I knew we were in for it when the tech said she was having a difficult time getting the shots she needed b/c MA was so active. I love those little movements though- don't take any for granted!
Cravings? everything. no really with Anderson I could've eaten any man under the table with wings. This time its anything. I mostly crave and eat eggs, bread, some salads and sweets. Ice cream and sugary cereal are my weakness!
Symptoms? back Pain, pressure, sinus issues. My doctor warned me that #2 is tougher in the symptoms department. I can vouch that it really is.
What I'm looking forward to? warm weather, the beach and my baby being here. and a margarita.
